Is sex only for the well to do?

It’s been a while since a political /social studies rant. Here we go, on random recent events (One, epic length post versus me getting worked up on a more regular basis. Kind of like a cork, under pressure, that finally pops, and then, peace and bubbly for all.  Understand that the “YOU” and “I” and “WE” is of the royal variety; I am not picking on any one person, but if the hat fits your head…)

Non-pro-choice  is a form of misogyny, to be sure. But what about these thoughts, as well?

HETROSEXUAL relations are the cause of ALL Abortion, bar NONE (well, ok, add IVF as a cause of pregnancy, but most people are planning that occurrence).  That’s right, boys. You put your pecker where babies happen, and viola, pregnancy. No gay couple can pull that one off.

What is the rate of married women having abortion? What is the rate of single but oh, say over 25 year-old women? Over 40 years old, married or unmarried? What is the racial and financial breakdown of this collection of women? How many children do they already have? What is the rate of abortion because of incompatibility with life? What about finding out that the fetus you carry is dramatically deformed? What about the idea that the legally allowed birth control DID fail or that the couple in question might be human and made a mistake and had unprotected sex? Or, as the old saying goes, “You do know what they call people who practice Natural Family Planning, right? (Parents)”  What about incest and rape victims?Although men some in government seem determined to continue redefining rape so that only battered, bloodied corpses will be considered rape victims and everyone else had a change of heart or is out to get the guy. (I am not about to go do the digging for these figures; someone can if they want.)

Some people don’t have the strength to handle what will be a very sick child. Some don’t have the medical coverage, thanks to our odd belief in this country that health care isn’t a human right, but something you have to be smart enough to earn. (Which by the way doesn’t mean you will KEEP your medical insurance, or that your very sick child won’t top out in a year on lifetime costs and you will still go bankrupt) Some people have a house full of children already here that HAVE to be cared for, and they know they will suffer the loss of parenting while you live for doctors visits and hospital stays for this terminally/chronically ill child. And who will care for them? And how many families can simply drop the income of one of the parents but still need the daycare? Add to that the number of people who know that, say, two children was the emotional and financial limit they could bear, and find themselves faced with the fourth pregnancy, healthy or otherwise.

When people start talking about abortion being used as birth control and that is why they abhor it—(because they don’t think women should be able to have sex and not worry about the consequences, those sluts)  why (I really want horns and blinking lights here) are we ignoring the male who got them pregnant? It takes two to tango. If the woman is having illicit sexual relations and should have to pay for it with pregnancy and childbirth, then what about the guy? (Or should we just go back to stoning the woman to death for unmarried sex? Would cut down on abortion) Wasn’t the sex he was having just as illicit?  Then why in the world are we not handing out free condoms on street corners, providing free and easy access to birth control pills AND making sure every child/teen/young adult/grown-up understands EXACTLY how it is that a baby is conceived? And what of the married women having abortions? What of the abused woman who is trying desperately to get out of that situation, yet finds herself pregnant? (Because, you know, being in an abusive relationship means forced sex, or tolerating it till you can find the strength to walk)

I hear the it’s a baby from the moment of conception. It’s not. It’s a  freeloader, a sponge out to suck the lifeblood from it’s host. If you are willing to be the host for the next 40 weeks, great. (Editing: someone whom I have no respect for carried on about how horrible I am because I call a fetus a freeloader. I was going to use the word Parasite, but I felt it too inflammatory, despite the first definition of the word being almost exactly correct, the only difference being that it is the same species

an organism that lives on or in an organism of another species, known as the host, from the body of which it obtains nutriment.

It can not survive outside the womb. The moment it arrives at around 40 weeks, all the ROL(Right-to-Lifers) are finished. Before birth, it was a BABY. Now, it’s just one more deadbeat taker, sucking on the teat of big government, it’s mother nothing more than a welfare queen out to game the system, and to hell with medical care, or Head Start, or day care, or living wages, or anything resembling the Christian faith that forced it into the dreary existence it must now survive. And there are too many actual, born children languishing in foster care, to say just let this new child be adopted.

You know what? Pregnancy isn’t like giving a pint of blood.  No matter how you ended up that way, everyone you see knows. And wants details, and wants to congratulate you. And you know what else? Pregnancy can cause you illness, up to and including death. It is a hugely physical experience that lasts for the better part of a year. How can a rape victim heal if her very body rebels against her and reminds her for three seasons of a year?

So, to summarize, ladies. You should think before you act, or keep your legs closed. (The man trying to get them open is totally blameless)  If you can’t afford contraception for whatever reason, you have no business having sex. If you are married, you still have no business having sex if you can’t afford a (another) child…so,wait. Hold up a sec. See the slope? Be careful, it’s slippery.  The only people who have any right to have sex are married couples who have the financial and emotional stability to support a new child every 11 months or so.  So. Explain to me how it is so many upper income, religious, or educated families have 1 or 2 children, max? Guessing the little lady has cut you off?

No? Oh, you can afford the health insurance that provides the birth control you don’t want to allow for those who can’t afford the children. (Because after all if you can’t afford health insurance, you shouldn’t have sex. And you can’t get low cost birth control without health insurance because you have tried to close all the women’s clinics.) Right. What of your religious convictions now?

Seriously, it wasn’t my intent to bring articles or charts, percentages or anything more than thoughts into this little bit of self-expression. However, I posted a meme on FB the other week, and got a response that, well. Yeah. Thankfully, no one else responded after the one, and I have removed it, because I really want this to be about what I am saying, yah know? But it went like this:


One response to the meme was this—-

“thats a lot of assumed dots your connecting. If abortion were not so readily available (except when medically needful for the helath sake of the mom), some might pay closer attention to what is taught in sex-ed and use the condoms, or wait till marriage.”

I resisted the urge (quite strong) to continue this thread. Because the problem is THIS—

A state the size of Texas (over a quarter MILLION square miles –268,000+ square miles) –will have FIVE clinics after the government played it’s latest games. THAT doesn’t sound readily available.

A state like North Dakota could have theoretically reduced the ability to have an abortion performed to ONE DAY of the entire pregnancy! (Had their smaller-government games actually passed muster) –one clinic in the state–have to fly in an out of state Doc, who comes once a week, and abortion couldn’t be performed until a pregnancy test confirms (at about 5 weeks) and no abortion after six weeks…TOTALLY not readily available.

Another problem is that so many of the lawmakers out there are NOT for sex-ed! And are NOT willing to provide condoms. And not all people WILL wait for marriage, because it is not your morality or religion they follow, but theirs. So, again. Legal. Safe. Rare.

(And yes, they are liberal sites. Can’t stand to read things like Faux News, sorry.)

Randomly moving on. I’m also tired of the relentless beating down about homosexual marriage, as if once allowed, all of us will be forcibly removed from our spouses side to marry someone of the same gender. Now, if  that was what was going on? Damned sure I’d be all over stopping it. I am rather attached to my husband. But short of that? What. Does. It. Do. To. You? HOW could it possibly affect you in a negative way? (Ok, competition for secular catering halls, booking the baker and the photographer, etc. might get a bit more challenging, but really??)

I can hardly even express how giddy I was that Wednesday as 10 AM approached. I was nervous, unable to focus, hitting my refresh button on the phone, holding my breath, anticipating, positive that the only way SCOTUS could rule was the way they did, but so fearful they wouldn’t anyway. The exhalation of breath was part of a communal relief around the country, I am sure.

If your faith causes you to believe that some people are less equal, that same sex marriage is wrong, then by all means follow your conscience and avoid marrying someone of the same sex.  But leave alone these other people. It is past time to accept that there is love in the world, and that love is good, and if more people love, the world is better.

No one is asking you to deny a portion of your being to satisfy a social construct.  If that is too hard to get, think about standing around the coffee maker at work and how you don’t think twice about mentioning you need to run by the store to pick up something for your wife on the way home. How when people ask casually what you are planning for the weekend, you say your husband and kids are heading to the lake. You aren’t rubbing your heterosexuality in someone’s face, simply sharing your life.

Would you expect to be fired for saying so? Passed over for promotion? Told you can’t live in this building? Beaten up? Dragged to your death? I watched my Facebook page, and I was gratified. I see that the majority of my friends (many of whom I have known in real life forever, and many who I have been connected to via mutual experience and habit to my great joy)– these people are of a similar belief—that the true religion is that of acceptance and love, not divisiveness and hate and fear of “other”.

I realized too, just how many of my Facebook (and real life)  friends are affected by the challenges of our world and how many of them have now had one burden lightened. Not removed, that will take the LOVE part of things to get stronger, the acceptance part to get stronger.  But so many of my friends will now find the world a better place.

I have found very few indeed, who are willing to post much that is outright hate, (on this topic at least) and for this too, I am gratified, because I know that surely, hate is floating around.  Point taken. Be assured, you are being ignored, blocked or unfriended. Love is not in your heart.

I have been married for 11 years. I am so enamored of this institution that I got to participate in simply because I loved someone that I can’t imagine holding it back from two other people who love each other the way I love my husband. That is what we were demanding that others not enjoy, simply based on the person with whom their heart has fallen in love.

When I married my spouse there was no agreement or understanding we would procreate if married. Indeed in the marriage vows, and in the marriage license, nowhere are children mentioned, inferred or implied. Nor did anyone say we couldn’t marry because there was no possibility of procreation.  We didn’t have to undergo medical testing to prove our ability to have children was intact. Our marriage wasn’t predicated on the idea we would raise children, or rear the children we already created as the results of failed formal and not so formal relationship, as they were adults. Yet no one person anywhere at any time suggested we not be allowed to avail ourselves of the myriad legal and societal opportunities provided us by that little civil paper from the County Clerks office. We call ourselves a family. Of Two. (Now, plus the cat and the adult child who came back)

But your faith — yes, I get it. Your God, blah blah.  You don’t KNOW, you believe. No one knows.  This country is not founded on any one religion. (Really, no matter how much you try to make it so, it’s just not. Even if the founders themselves were of a particular religious bent, they didn’t want the two mixed up.)  You did not need to approve of my marriage in order for me to marry. I didn’t need to approve of the person you chose to marry. (Goodness knows, if we all got to get involved in THAT particular circle of hell, there would be very little marriage at all.)

We hear these phrases every day. There but for the grace of God go I.  Walk a mile in my shoes. Live and let live. (How about Live and let Love?)

What is happening to YOUR marriage if more people can marry? What benefits are being taken from you if ANY other two people marry?

This is like the ultimate round in the have and have not,  ME-tality that seems to exist. I somehow ended up born in this country (but you can’t come here.)  I somehow found a company willing to provide medical insurance (but you can’t have any.) I somehow ended up on the correct side of a convoluted, gerrymandered redistricting line so my vote counts (but yours, not so much.) I somehow arm allowed make medical decisions for my spouse even over his family’s desires, (but you don’t get to do so.) Me me me.

And so the argument goes. As a country, we seem more concerned with sticking our noses into other peoples most private lives, lest someone get away with something. We don’t want big government, that is for sure. We want it small enough to set itself on the headboard of our beds. Rather than making sure there are jobs, rather than having our elected officials do their jobs and maybe get the interest rates straightened out for college students, or worry about the air we breath and the water we drink, we let them try to (repeatedly) repeal a law that provides medical care for (almost) all.  We allow Wall Street and big business to be the largest abusers of entitlement programs and tax abuse, while cutting a poor child’s school lunch. We are so concerned that some woman (who, I have to add, had heterosexual sex with a man) be punished because she is unwilling to continue with a pregnancy (and she knows her circumstances well enough to know she can’t afford another child) ….Or that two men want to live a quiet life of love together and not be ostracized.

If the bible is THE word of (your) God why on earth are there so many versions of it? That there are hundreds of English translations  and interpretations on bookstore shelves seems to indicate to me that it is not the word of God, but the words of many men. If the bible my great grandmother read is different by even one word from the one you read now, then how is the word of God?

And as for Paula Deen? Shame for defending her! If you say something, OWN it. To use as an excuse your generation for your poor behavior? I get other people say things, vile things. And they aren’t right either. But to defend one wrong because other people do worse? How does that make any sense.  If you say something stupid, as a non-celebrity, well, you are an ass. When you are a public figure, you should accept that as part of the the social contract you make with your fans; the trade off you make for all of the benefits you enjoy is that people hear and listen and react. Rappers aren’t little southern grandmas who are expected to be soft and friendly. What they say isn’t good, it isn’t nice, but it’s more or less contextual  (and not acceptable to me.)

No Child Left Behind  (told you it was a random list of rants) Today’s high school graduates pretty much made it through 12 years of NCLB. And I work with them, out in the real world. And holy crap, they have no ability to THINK. The questions they ask. The things that they can’t connect the dots on? The inability to infer, extrapolate? It’s more than laziness. It’s that they lack the ability to think creatively.

And by the by, this lapsed Catholic is thoroughly enjoying Pope Francis.

Can we at least all admit that  the law is sometimes wrong? Can you swear that your child would never be caught in a circumstance like Trayvon and that they might not run, which might cause someone to follow, which might mean you throw a punch which might mean you deserve to bleed to death in the rain because you don’t have the right to defend yourself from him with your fist, but someone else can defend himself from you with a gun?

Oh, and Of COURSE drivers licenses aren’t covered in the Constitution. We didn’t have cars back then.

I think I am done. Watch this clip, (which I can’t seem to embed prettily) and yeah.

So, back to photos next time, ok?

The First Day of the Rest of My Life…

544840_10201242124359119_262396658_n…I believe the term for this is Money Shot!  Absolutely MY favorite wedding photo! After the wedding, we had an ‘illegal’ parade along Fillmore Street till we reached Snug Harbor (complete with bagpipes!)…For The Love of a PrincessCastlePastel30597_1439832479771_1564816_n24755_1436281911009_187369_n32397_10201351092523255_696011363_n…The gangs all here….(actually, not…the ring bearers are missing…) Simple Gifts….

…(All wedding photos taken by Michael Falco –Thanks AGAIN!!!!)

2004 Easter-32 (2)…Mr. Tall Man…

2009_Christmas -31 (2)…Gotta play with the new baby camera he bought me for Christmas

……2008CandC_Rierson-51untitled…Timmy is the most awesome of fathers….

img_7416…And Stepfathers…….

2007 Easter_122 copy…And his laughter is pure joy. I love to lie in bed at night, and hear him laughing at something on TV, the laughter reaching my ears from the other end of the house…it just makes me melt….2010 sc-2Best self-portrait EVER!IMG_1455 copyHe is a loving and dutiful son (who obviously came by his crazy honestly) and is now making sure he passes this trait on to the next generation.

479782_4422754850966_715251027_n2013 JAN Chihuly-1052012-FEB 13…Sunshine and shadows…B0005034…We are different…

TrishTimXmasOur first Christmas together, at Sharon Ave… I love this photo, although it is blurry…

IMG_1482 copy…his heart is big, and full and overflowing with kindness and love…20110510-33…and he takes me to the beach!IMG_3072(…And he takes his cars on photo opps…. Top of the world….)

I am not the one who is the romantic… I am not a serious player at the game of romance, of grand gestures. That would be Timmy. For every score of poems he writes me, I can crank out a little ditty.

But this year we will not be together for our anniversary–He is on a long jag of OT and I will be meeting up with an aunt and some cousins for a birthday party out of state.

However, we celebrate our love every day. The day that our lives changed forever, and for the better, is today, 11 years ago.  It was a Saturday morning like this, and the weather on Staten Island was wonderful. We were surrounded by all the people who were important to us that day, and while a good number of them are no longer with us, I am so glad to have had that day…
Our ‘formal’ celebration this year will be in New Orleans in a few weeks. It is our annual honeymoon—(Our inaugural honeymoon was to Niagara Falls, Canton, Ohio for the Football Hall of Fame and then on to Lancaster, PA.)  Our gift to each other is this vacation; the opportunity to explore someplace, usually new to both of us.. Sometimes it falls near our anniversary. Sometimes it doesn’t.

For our first anniversary, we traveled to Paducah, KY to go to the quilt show there…. and wait ladies, before you all get excited about how awesome this man is, he drove to NYC first to pick up my best quilting buddy first!!!!!(We hit up the Chicago quilt show a few years later, but only as a duo….)

We have also gone to Key West, to Montana, to Quebec, back home to New York City, to Asheville, NC, to San Diego… and of course, in a pinch, any beach along the Eastern Shore from Cape Cod to Myrtle Beach…These are our gifts to each other…. a road trip, a fine meal in a strange town, the opportunity to create an entirely new set of memories, together.

So today, hunny, remember this…. I LOVE YOU…. and am so very proud to claim you as MINE….

Can I just say This about That?

“Gays, if you want Americans to support gay marriage, why would you use pictures of fat bald men and ugly old ladies in wheelchairs as your poster child?” Erick Erickson

What can be said about this? It’s going around on the internet, and I can’t find an exact link, I don’t know if he was speaking in reference to this couple or not, but really? ( I don’t even know who this idiot is, to be honest, but apparently he is in radio)

imagePhyllis Siegel, 77, right, and Connie Kopelov, 85, both of New York, embrace after becoming the first same-sex couple to get married at the Manhattan City Clerk’s office, Sunday, July 24, 2011, in New York. (AP Photo/Jason DeCrow)

I think this photo is the most telling of images, and a wonderful wedding photo. Not only that, but anyone who can look at these ladies and think they don’t deserve the opportunity to share their love the way that any heterosexual couple can just doesn’t get it.

I think they are better as a poster child for gay marriage than any wild, young, alternative-dressing, flaming, tattooed, punked-out hair styled, over the top couple that set off even the most dense persons Gaydar could ever be, (-not that there’s’ anything wrong with that-) because they are saying to America, “LOOK at us, we look and act and love and hurt and age like you. We already live next to you, and work with you. You know us, how can you say we shouldn’t have the right to what you have?”  You can easily imagine these ladies as being your neighbors– they don’t offend delicate sensibilities. (There are some fabulous, wonderful, happy, goosebump-giving wedding photos of couples of this sort on their wedding day as well at the link above, and all over the internet. I love wedding photos.)

Many of us will reach a time when old, fat, bald or disabled identifies us, and if we still have a spouse, and if we can be as happy as these ladies are after being together 23 years…then we will be lucky, indeed.

When I was a child in New York, the little girl across the street moved away and there went the annual Easter Egg hunt that had been orchestrated from their driveway in the past. I hoped for a new family with children, of course. Instead, “the two ladies”  (I’ll describe them as mature. Remember, I was 6 at the time, they could have been anywhere from 30 to 70 years old) moved in, complete with a number of yapping dogs, and they were ‘together’, although I didn’t understand it all, and lived there for a few years.

My dear cousin, who died a few years back at 93, had for decades as apartment neighbors down the hall,  two elderly male ‘roommates’  who she called “the men”. They  were great friends and companions to her. To think that today, these couples would be able to be free about who they were and make it all legal…

I’m a woman who is happily married to a man for almost 10 years. I found and fell in love with him, and I didn’t have to wonder about whether or not I could become his spouse. I would wish that for any human— to find love, and to be able to show the world their love and commitment via marriage if they so choose.  (And so many heterosexual couples CHOOSE not to marry…..)

I would love to get a call from a certain brother of mine, telling me such happy news.  Actually, I would probably be satisfied if said brother called from time to time to talk about the weather, but I digress. (If he called to say he was moving back to New York so he could get married and that the weather be damned, well…Open-mouthed smile)

A video was making the rounds a few years back, and it came around again, (but has since been removed by Youtube, so I will not link it to this blog, respecting the copyright owner) but if you saw it, you’d remember it.

A precocious little boy in a red shirt was introduced to two husbands. He quickly deciphers, and breaks down into bite-sized pieces this new information, (husbands are boys, and wives are girls so you two are both husbands) feeds back to the couple the things he found relevant (that means you love each other, and you are much alike) and then suggests they go play ping pong with him.

If only the adults in this world could be as sensible.