99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall

...99 bottles of beer, you take one down, you pass it around…98 bottles of beer on the wall. (there really is no substitute for the version sung with your cousins LOUDLY from the back seat and the way back seat on a long road trip in a station wagon, windows down, in the 1970’s)

Party like it’s 1999. I was dreamin’ when I wrote this
Forgive me if it goes astray
But when I woke up this mornin’
Could’ve sworn it was judgment day The sky was all purple
There were people runnin’ everywhere
Tryin’ to run from the destruction
You know I didn’t even care Say say
Two-thousand-zero-zero party over
Oops out of time
So tonight I’m gonna party like it’s 1999

99 Luftballoons. You and I in a little toy shop
Buy a bag of balloons with the money we’ve got
Set them free at the break of dawn
‘Til one by one they were gone
Back at base bugs in the software
Flash the message “something’s out there!”
Floating in the summer sky
Ninety-nine red balloons go by

This Is Not A Drill I Repeat This Is Not A Drill: Funny Handyman ...

What’s going on here? Oh, right. Yes, we’re down to double digits now!

You are running out of time to REGISTER to vote. To VERIFY you are REGISTERED to vote. To VERIFY your POLLING LOCATION HASN’T CHANGED since the last time you voted (It happens. A lot. Especially if you haven’t voted recently! If you didn’t vote since the last time you could vote for Obama in 2012, for example, your polling place may have moved from a tiny elementary school, to a lovely and airy new college campus building. AND during the pandemic, the powers that be have used COVID-19 as an excuse to close many locations)

MAKE sure you have as much valid identification as you can possibly scrounge up. THIS Election Day is NOT the time to argue that you should or shouldn’t have to show X, or Y, or Z form of ID.

That IS THE GOAL. To DENY you the opportunity to cast your vote. DO NOT THROW AWAY YOUR SHOT. Bring more than you need. Read up on what might be acceptable, and gather it.

You are running out of time TO REQUEST an ABSENTEE BALLOT. To MAKE A VOTING PLAN. Childcare, transportation, the expectation that IF you are planning to vote IN PERSON, that you could be there a LONG TIME. You can NOT plan to squeeze voting in between a meeting and a hair appointment.

(also, here… do you know WHAT signature they “compare” to verify your ABSENTEE ballot is acceptable?? Here in VA, it’s the one on your Drivers License…. and I am here to tell you, I don’t really write my signature exactly that way anymore. So, I WILL be looking carefully at my drivers license to make sure I am ok)

My voting location is in a HBCU (Historically Black College or University). I have registered for ABSENTEE, but if for some reason, I have to vote in person, BECAUSE I vote in a MINORITY DISTRICT I EXPECT there to be lines and confusion and other forms of voter suppression. I HAVE REQUESTED TUESDAY NOVEMBER 3, 2020 as a DAY OFF. If my ballot arrives as I hope, I will be able to just have a day off.

If not, well, you know where you will find me.

If you don’t feel that the USPS is a safe way to MAIL your vote, because maybe the Post Office will bag it up and leave it in a janitors closet until after the postmark is too late??— You can drop it off in PERSON… I can’t tell you WHERE. Come on. You are an adult reading this on the internet. Do some research. Contact YOUR Election commision.

One other really important bit. You ARE part of the problem if you vote THIRD PARTY this time. You dilute the actual vote totals when you protest vote. Vote for your uncle’s poodle in the primary, but in THIS election, the General Election of 2020, it’s not hyperbole to say the future of the COUNTRY as a DEMOCRACY is at stake.

Not having voted for either Trump or Biden will be small solace to you when you find your freedoms disappearing.

THIS ARTICLE ON VOTING is very detailed, long and important. Voting is NOT something you should think about Monday night, November 2nd.


(You are welcome for the earworms. Which one stuck with you all day??)


OTHER than being forced by the big, bad government and the fines they impose for non-compliance, WHY do you-

Wear a seatbelt.

Stop at intersections, stop signs, etc.

Drive on the correct side of the road.

Wear a shirt into a supermarket.

Not reach into open cash registers and help yourself to money.

Stop at cash register to pay for things you want.

How inconvenient do you find these restrictions on your id? On your desire to HAVE that candy bar, even if you have no money?

The answers should go something like this:

(Remember, we took away any of the the “it’s the law” or “they made me do it” excuses)

1-Even though I AM A GREAT DRIVER, and have NEVER even been pulled over for a broken tail-light, I have no control over all the other people on the road. I can’t control road conditions or the fact someone else is driving impaired, or sudden brake failure. I wear a seatbelt because it is less inconvenient and costly than a week in the hospital, or someone having to go to my kid’s school and tell them I died in a wreck.

2. I am not the only car on the road. If I want to get to my destination safely, I need to rely on the kindness of strangers who are also looking to the left and the right before driving through where I want to put my vehicle– only one of us can safely occupy that space at a time.

3. What are the lines for anyway? Does it even make a difference, if I want to be closer to the other side of the road? I mean, it’s more comfortable to me, the way my brain works, to be on that side.

4. Who decided is not considered sanitary for the general public to be parading around with their unwashed, uncovered bodies in the produce aisle. Why would someone think it’s not socially acceptable to be letting us all have to bask in the glory of your beer belly, your six pack or your lack of lingerie. Come on, man, freedom!

5. The answer really is not—I don’t feel like working for money or I work harder than I should for less money than you anyway, so I am entitled to helping myself to what I need. I think money a false social construct. But, they say money makes the world go round, so I will just help myself to some of the money in that register while you aren’t looking.

6. I will pay for the candy bar with the money I took in 5, thanks so much, I wanted a SNICKERS a LOT. I get that SOMEONE ELSE will ultimately pay for that candy bar, but I was HANGRY and low on cash…

JUST WEAR A MASK. BE INCONVENIENCED. DO it for other people. Act kind of like you are a part of a society that is reliant on each other. LOVE THY NEIGHBOR AS THYSELF, (mark 12:31) even.

No one knows if you had COVID-19 that you can’t get it again, or that you are or aren’t contagious.

NO ONE. (your friend the pet groomer’s opinion is no substitute for the entirety of the CDC or WHO)

If you are walking around without a mask, no one is aware that YOU (think) you had it, and therefore YOU THINK you are invincible. They think you are an inconsiderate lout who doesn’t care about other people.

But– IF you are so bulletproof, hie thee to a hospital and volunteer to help COVID-19 patients in any way you can non-medically because they are overworked and stressed–without a mask, of course.

Shell Game

I really hadn’t planned on writing more than one post on COVID-19. I thought I got all my snarky venting out and was done. And yeah, this probably isn’t going to be a snarky post, but a more somber one. Almost 17,000 Americans are dead, so far. And the current badministration is fetching about, attempting to cast that as a WIN. Because it must be a win, right? We are NUMBER ONE again. (No, not quite; Italy still has a higher death count, but they’ve been at this a lot longer. Don’t worry, we WILL gain the top of the podium soon.)

So, yeah. THAT didn’t happen. So, Revisionist History 101, we change the story. We have 325 MILLION people, ok? What are you, crazy?? Never gonna happen. Who needs stinkin’ tests anyway?? ( the story as of 4/9/2020)

Just REMEMBER THIS little tidbit, will you? IF you are not TESTED for COVID-19, you don’t HAVE COVID-19. IF you don’t have COVID-19, you can’t DIE from COVID-19. Wraps it up in a pretty bow, doesn’t it?

There’s more than one way to keep the number of cases low, isn’t there? If you don’t want to really enforce social distancing or wearing masks because your tan may rub off, just stop TESTING. Presto, the COVID-19 positive numbers will stop rising. Maybe all those pneumonia deaths are simply coming from somewhere else…

Irrevocably damaged or destroyed–families, communities, companies. THAT is what we will find, on the other side. Because at some point, we WILL find the other side. Each city and town will get there in their own time. But no place will be truly unharmed. Some towns will just have scraped knees, some counties will have broken bones and some cities will sadly find they lost limbs. But, in the end, no one will be able to escape SIX DEGREES of separation.

I already, with this disease not getting anywhere near my personal, physical, geographic circle, exceed all my fingers to count the number of People I know who know People who lost People. And it’s early. And, it’s talked about in the most banal and impersonal terms. Because how else can one manage talking of the death, day after day, of so many?

It DOES feel like a slow-roll 9/11. I was in NYC and watched the towers fall, and for weeks; it was never “personal” unless the death was an immediate relative…. if you were asked, “were you ok”, it wasn’t the the time to say you lost a childhood friend or a cousin or an in-laws neighbor, because didn’t EVERYONE?? No, you lost someone if it was a spouse. A child. A parent. There was a surrealness to deaths that were once individual, with wakes, funerals, obituaries, gatherings of loved ones together, laughter at memories and tears at reality… suddenly becoming also-ran.

Now, with COVID those deaths are now reduced to they died, alone, of course, and three others in that household are sick and….multiplied by factors of scale that dwarf 9/11; geographic impact that isn’t just something that happened somewhere else….and something that just keeps going, rolling downhill, gathering speed.

And, all of us, deep down, have to admit, we have to know it didn’t NEED to be this way. We HAD warnings. And so, I felt compelled this morning to gather some screenshots, some tweets. For posterity, for clarity of the vision around me, in my mind. And you, dear reader, get to partake. To see in black and white the absolute trainwreck that got us to this moment. To see the revisionist statements. The I AM NOT AT FAULT-ness, the bareness of the way this government is trying to evade any blame.

Look at March 5th. ELEVEN dead. 36 days later, there are SEVENTEEN THOUSAND DEAD. And that number is nowhere near the end of this horror show.

STAY HOME. Hearing that as many people who were expected to die haven’t died DOES not mean this was all an overreaction.