There is a habit to BELIEVE what feels “right” to you and your sense of self, your experiences. However, in pursuit of definitive proof that you are right, that your cause is just, that being so loud and forceful and in your face about that idea, you really should branch out on your reading. To PROCLAIM that Z is the worst letter in the alphabet, and to then “prove it” by pointing out that ALL the other letters in the alphabet COME BEFORE Z, and that PROVES it is absurd. Z is the last letter because no other letters were placed after it in our alphabet. (it’s kind of interesting to go read up on it) If your “research” is that you went to Google and found The Alphabet Song recording, or reached back to kindergarten where you got to sing a song, or a meme with letters or a book and that was ALL you used, your research was incomplete. Because all your research has proven is that in this language, we PLACED it last. We didn’t ASSIGN any other meaning to it’s existence there, at the end.
Alternatively, if you are over, well, let’s say, over 40, and I asked you to name all the planets in order, you would most likely immediately proclaim the following. “My Very Energetic Mother Just Served Us Nine Pickles.” Except. Yesterday, I asked Laylabug if she knew all the names of the planets. Her reply was YES! My teacher taught us a pattern to remember them. And then she told me, “My Very Enthusiastic Mother Just Served Us Nachos.” Huh. Poor Pluto. A whole generation is gonna just think of him as a goofy dog.
In the same way, UNLESS you are a (INSERT WHATEVER ESOTERIC SPECIALTY SCIENTIST/DOCTOR), the information you READ about any complex topic that you are not an expert in is 100% BIASED in favor of the perception and overall desire of the writer to create a narrative. YOU are not technically proficient enough, even if you are an intelligent person, you don’t have the specific vocabulary to read dense medical or scientific papers and extrapolate the correct information ACCURATELY. It’s not a knock against YOU. (royal you, of course) You JUST DON’T. So, IF you read a report online (and to be fair, most of us get MOST of our info online, whether it is a reputable outlet or not) PAY ATTENTION TO WHERE YOU ARE. To WHAT they profess as their overall rai·son d’ê·tre is. Are they SELLING something? (Political and medical beliefs are a COMMODITY) Who benefits from their statements? WHERE did they get THEIR information and WHO was the person they trusted to read, comprehend and translate into everyday English? Who made it UNDERSTANDABLE? Did they do ANY due diligence on the results provided; the translation of Medical Gobbeldy-Gook into information a lay person can digest? If their conclusion is diametrically opposed to the prevailing wisdom, what kind of double-blind testing did they do, to PROVE that their hypothesis is the accurate one? How did they go about disproving the prevailing belief?
What did they do to go to the sources to ask them HOW they came to conclusions so different? WHY is it that the majority of more widely accessed sources of information have NOT picked up on this belief? WHO IS PROFITING from this belief? READING THIRTY SCREEDS that link back to each other in a Gordian knot that “PROVES” they are right AND you are being lied to should be a hint you are being provided falsely interpreted information. Did you read up on anything that tried to disprove your prevailing belief, to see if there were holes you could drive a truck through? Do you follow/read/interact with in any way people/pages or publications that are on the other side of what you think, just to “keep yourself honest?” NOTE— Saying, “I DO MY OWN RESEARCH”, or saying, “HAVEN’T YOU DONE/READ…?” to try to shut down someone, and not having read and UNDERSTOOD the source material is not DOING your own research. If you are reading the opinion of someone who has NO real subject matter expertise and you find that they know a SECRET TRUTH that only a few can “really see/understand?” You are regurgitating OPINIONS that make you feel comfortable with the things you have chosen to BELIEVE. Nothing more.
When you made the choice to have one child or four children or no children, THAT IS PRO-CHOICE.
ALL of the childless adults I know can’t ALL have had fertility problems.
How many of you COULDN’T have kids? (Not my business—good. Right. Be aggravated I asked or presume to know, but—- Keep that thought front level, however, as you continue to read)
(The rest of) you made the choice to have no children, whether it was because you hate kids, or whether it was because you had an incredibly horrifying childhood and you can’t imagine being able to recover and do the job well. Or you wanted your career that was so challenging and demanding of (both parents) time. Or travel! Or. Or. Or. Not my business. (Privacy, right?)
The reason that you were able to survive to this period of your life (menopause? Close to it, way past it?) and not have children was:
-Birth control pills/ IUD, vasectomy
-Abstinence (repressed lives that suggest the sex act be saved ONLY for when you WANTED to CREATE another child?)
-Rhythm method (luck AND a partner who was willing to follow it)
-Abortion
-Infertility
So, since 1973 if you find yourself in a childless marriage by choice — NEWS FLASH— you are pro-choice.
None of that “there was a medical reason for your child-free status” —you could adopt! So, to all the “infertile as an excuse couples”, why did you not adopt? That is what is supposed to happen, right? That is what all those pro-life marchers display on their signs “ADOPTION not ABORTION”….
All those pregnancies caused by incest and rape…you SAY that they are all adoptable! You (royal usage) all are talking about how someone is waiting for a baby to love, so….? (I am NOT asking you to TELL ME why you are childless and haven’t adopted)—privacy about what goes on in your marital bed is a constitutional right. For the moment. —->>>Again I AM NOT berating and I AM NOT criticizing you OR your choices. I can’t imagine the pain of multiple miscarriages, etc. <<<<—- AND IT IS NOT MY BUSINESS.
I am NOT saying you should’ve made another choice. I am not saying you should have done X or Y or Z, just because.No one who can’t or won’t parent (the verb) should be forced to become a parent (the noun). But you made that CHOICE. BE HONEST ENOUGH to accept YOU ARE PRO-CHOICE (for yourself)
For you to make the determination that OTHER people should follow YOUR belief system, and therefore if they get pregnant they should have to carry a child to term —when you would not carry a child to term for whatever reason —does not sound particularly fair. (Although to be honest, the majority of us do force those of different religions to have the random Wednesday off because we want to celebrate Christmas, so there is precedent in our inability to be logical.)
And if YOUR religious belief system disallows abortion, don’t have one. But, those whose religion disagrees with you— or those who are free from religious belief, should NOT have to follow the edicts of your religion. This country does NOT have a state religion. Yet.
When you decided to go on birth control because your husband lost his job in 1982, that was a pro-choice decision, because by rights you should have just been accepted the extra mouths to feed or been celibate until hubby was back on his feet.
Also, and this one is important—if that first pregnancy that you had almost cost your your life, too bad so sad. Deny your husband sexual intercourse, or get pregnant and possibly die of a second pregnancy, because apparently the fetus is more important than the mother of the toddler at home.
Yeah. I know. Vasectomy, tubal ligation, birth control pills— but once they don’t have abortion to rile you up about—once abortion is gone, do you think they’re going to STOP?
Understand, that once abortion is no longer a legal option, that it will not be the end of abortion. First, your well-heeled friends will suddenly be discovering a newfound love of spontaneous travel outside the country… or possibly CAMPING in another state. Second, you will start to hear about young women, daughters of your friends, DYING of “back alley abortions”.
It will be the beginning, only.
Because the GOP, the powers that be in the Grand Old Party, will NEED to have a culture war, still. A rallying cry to get you so hot and bothered that you vote AGAINST YOUR BEST INTERESTS, just to “own the libs,” fight AGAINST antifa (you do UNDERSTAND that that is against FASCISM and not an actual group AND also A GOOD THING?)
They have to have something to rile you so once they have finished eliminating the option for legal abortion, they WILL come after your birth control. You may not believe that but that doesn’t make it any less true.
This is gonna be a flex for them—but they are up for the challenge. Griswold —the right to privacy, the STATE says you do not have a right to know what other people are doing with their own bodies, in their own beds and bedrooms, because that disrespects their privacy—that will have to end.
And maybe YOU are now of an age that you escaped with your family the exact size you wanted. You are able to pay for your ONE child’s college education, take your ONE child on summer vacations to France, not just because you made the RIGHT CHOICES through your life. (I know, I know. You’ve never been to France. So therefore you going to think that everything you read here has nothing to do with you.) I’ve never been to France, either.
But you made the CHOICE to have one child, or to use birth control to control so that you had your four children six years apart. YOU made a choice; actually that’s pro-choice.
BUT.
Even today, when you see a large family, may be a darker-skinned family of a possibly not Anglo-Saxon background, and they are walking with their five or six children, possibly speaking a language you don’t understand, you hear derisive comments— or you THINK THEM— or YOU say them, sotto voce, “How could ‘THOSE’ people have so many kids? They are replacing us. Who do they think they are. Doesn’t she know how to keep her legs closed.” (Where’s that pro-life Rah Rah now?)
Do you know that there has not been a woman who has gotten pregnant without the help of a very human male, except 2000-odd years ago when teenaged Mary found herself pregnant?
Every woman that you see that is pregnant, there is a man that is responsible for that. The man had to initiate sexual intercourse. The man. (Don’t be pedantic and @ me with IVF— that’s a medical procedure, that is highly orchestrated-AND still requires a man, and ALSO on the chopping block, once they get rolling) A woman cannot cause herself to get pregnant; she can’t wish herself pregnant. *DONT HAVE KIDS IF YOU CAN’T AFFORD THEM!!!,” they scream into the void.
Oh, and now now comes the new fun new thing, because all the people who did not have children for “whatever” reason are complaining that forgiving some student loans is UNFAIR! “They” get their student loans forgiven and I PAID MINE OFF!” So? Maybe because you had no children you were ABLE to do so? You didn’t spend YEARS paying the MINIMUM on all your credit cards and student loans because you had to put half your paycheck into daycare and diapers? You were able to accept that promotion, with it’s funky work hours, which is impossible to find childcare for, or so much travel time, or that transfer to another state on a whim because you didn’t have to uproot your family.
“I don’t have children so they are not getting any benefit from it! OMG.”
But. Here we are. Not only is the draft, leaked Roe decision awful, they are booking hard for Griswold, for Obgerfell. You know that same sex wedding you went to a couple of years ago? And how they ADOPTED and are the most amazing parents? Yeah. Soon to be ILLEGAL, if you follow the LOGIC of the arguments in this decision.
Don’t QUITE know how they plan to dissolve entire families, but.
But, GRISWOLD. Oh. That’s the one they will have to be going after next. What is going to be funny—not funny ha ha, but funny— is how suddenly, across this entire nation teenaged children of a certain sex are going to suddenly require birth control pills for very bad acne and very painful menses. There is going to be a sudden increase in female acne and debilitating periods that is so horrific that females of certain financial status will to have to stay on birth control from 11 to 54 to avoid it.
And really, what is the end game? Because their children, well their male children, won’t have anything change in their lives except –oh, well maybe they’ll be less female children competing for the good job, competing for the scholarships because they’re all going to be home birthing and caring for children.
Oh, and call your mother. ((Or text if you don’t want to actually talk to her. But only if it is something you CAN do without being dishonest with yourself.)) And understand that this is a freaking hard day for a LOT of people–who lost their mom, or who lost their kid or who wanted that miscarried child. And for those who didn’t have a mother who gave a damn. And don’t be an ass and tell other people that they will regret not calling one day….
Happy Mother’s Day to ALL the people who’ve cared for and loved and raised and encouraged all children.
(I know there needs to be a photo to suck you in, to make you scroll… preferably of a cat, right??)
It looks like democracy,Joe Biden and the lack of the former guy. combined with the resulting sanity must agree with me….I haven’t had a “ranty, get over yourself, grow up and think of others” post for a good long time. Rather than a new blog post a day till I catch up with all the crazy that is running through my head, here is a stream of consciousness stream of ranty thoughts wandering around…
We are now in the Groundhog Day portion of COVID-19…., we’ve had two St Patrick Days with no parades, everyone has had at least one birthday in lockdown, we did two Easters, we are heading close to our second anniversary of Memorial Day where we BBQ in our backyards with a few folks, weather permitting, sans chaos and crowds, masked even if you are amongst those who have been jabbed twice (last date for that second jab has to be around Mothers Day, to provide you the requisite antibodies, etc) You even may be able to visit your mother on Mother’s Day instead of like last year, when you attempted to teach her to Zoom….if you have followed the science.
As promised, a little bit of Alastair the Cat…(and friends Baby Beluga, Ducky and Baby Doll)
As to the doubters among us– you do realize that you are here, alive and hale and healthy in your 40’s? 50’s? 60’s? 70’s? BECAUSE your parents, back in the before times, in the ’50’s ’60’s, 70’s,’80’s–DIDN’T ask your 18 month old self if you WANTED to be saved from smallpox or polio or measles, or mumps, or, or, or…And yes. Some parents EVEN let them test those vaccines on young children, because otherwise children wouldn’t make it to adulthood to give consent. (IF your parents opted you OUT successfully from all vaccines, THANK the vaccinated “herd” around you for having survived without catching any of the above..) Anyway, be glad and thank your parents for giving you a chance to live long enough to complain about the simplest thing you could do for people and wear a mask, let alone thank them for the chance to live long enough to die from Covid 19…
Have been scouring the interwebs and have discovered exactly NO ONE who has turned down (returned to sender) their stimulus money, despite carrying on about whatever communist plot it is a part of –(and of course, the “communist plot/socialism” bits only pertain to the LAST $1400; the first two installments equaling $2600 having been issued under the directive of dear leader, that money and it’s reason for appearing in your bank account is as pure as the driven snow–proof in fact, that the gubbermint CARES for you. It’s the New, Democratic money that is suddenly suspect and a sneaky socialist/communist plot.
The socialist plot trope in these storylines has gotten so out of hand that some GOP reps seem to think Corporate Communism is actually a thing…further proof that our educational system has failed–1, that someone would say such a thing, and 2, that other people would believe it. (of course, option 3 is that person one, speaking, BELIEVES they can FOOL you into believing whatever claptrap comes out of their GOP mouth because Dems are the devil… and remember, if you can’t see the con, you are the mark…)
I mean, look. YOU know you are not as stupid as some of the people you have elected –by choice or by apathy– think you are, right? Their voting records are right out there in the open, but they hope that instead of listening to what reliable news reports tell you about how they voted, or researching it yourself, they instead think their fancy, high-production-value videos of them lying through their teeth will sway you.
But. If you are still only getting your “news” from the insane number of emails that “trmpAndCo* are sending you, and you are STILL sending out $$$ to support the whinging, crybaby, poor little “billionaires” in their attempt to destroy (or their favorite misused and bizarre word –CANCEL) democracy, well, I don’t know what to think.
There is a story in the NYT, early April 2021, which describes in heartrending detail how older, not so internet savvy trmp* supporters accidently approved REPEATED, WEEKLY withdrawals of cash (you offered him $50, or $500, ONCE? and yet, you accidentally approved $50 or $500 every WEEK??) from their accounts, to “support” the poor little rich billionaire baby boy in his fever dream of the big lie, till they couldn’t pay their bills. While most of the over 100 MILLION dollars was returned, it essentially ended up being a huge interest free loan to the poor billionaire who didn’t want to use his own $$ to fight for his seat.
WHAT is bi-partisianship? No, REALLY. What do YOU think it means? Because according to the recent retelling of the GOP, in order for something to be Bi-Partisan, THEY,– the LOSERS, the Minority party,– THEY should have as much if not more say over what happens in the government.
The way that appears to work in their mind is this— THEY could have won election/re-election by ONE vote in their congressional or senatorial seat. They PERSONALLY should be more paid attention to than the others; indeed, their “firmly held” belief is that ANY legislating/governing/lawmaking REQUIRES a 60% YES vote.
Remember, THEY could win their election 10,000 to 9,999 votes… but to actually legislate, the vote total in Congress/The Senate would need to be equivalent to 11,999 to 7999–60/40!–THAT is what a filibuster-proof majority (which, any member can simply EMAIL a message saying they plan to do so… nothing more taxing than 30 seconds during a commercial break of a TV show’s worth of effort..)
Also, did YOU elect Mitch McConnell? If you didn’t vote for him (say, because you DON’T live in Kentucky) does it not piss you off even the smallest amount that HE is telling YOUR representative that THEY may not, WILL NOT vote FOR something that President Biden proposes? (one can only assume the reason is that YOU and YOUR state may actually BENEFIT from said bill, and that would just not do.
Do you like the idea that your representative will simply REFUSE to vote yes on something as basically positive as repairing that bridge into your state– you know the one– only one lane of traffic at a time because it’s gotten so unsafe that the weight restrictions cause back ups all the time??–Your rep MUST vote NOPE, no thanks, don’t need your money, JUST SO BIDEN FAILS.– And NOT because they were elected to say No, or because they truly BELIEVE that is the right answer,but JUST because Mitch TELLS them them must say no. (and equal opportunity complaint– Manchin has outsized influence right now) Democracy is a very fragile experiment, and we need to be as careful with it as possible–and we need to UNDERSTAND and participate.
Where that is taking us is to the unbelievable place where a GOP senator is sending out scary ads talking of THE HORROR of President Biden wanting to dedicate $400 billion to CARING FOR YOUR ELDERY MOM… Yup, the one you FINALLY get to see on Mother’s Day, assuming you’ve both gotten your jab.
Can you even imagine? Remember, early in the pandemic, which political party felt that your elder family members would be willing to DIE to keep the economy open.
It MATTERS who you hire– from local dog catcher on up the ladder of public service. IT MATTERS.
WHO you vote into office matters so damn much that those in power will do almost anything to keep that power-do the people you are voting to put in charge BELIIEVE in SCIENCE?
Do they BELIEVE IN GOVERNMENT?? Do NOT elect anyone who does NOT believe in the power of government, ok? IF they say that private enterprise is the way to go, tell them to go be a CEO, and leave the welfare of your state in the hands of someone who believes in government, and what it can do for people.
I can’t tell you the number of posts I see on Twitter and Facebook, of people I actually know, all around this country, basically crowd-sourcing COVID vaccine appointments–it hurts my heart. But, then, I read the thread, and my heart grows two sizes when I see EVERY RESPONSE is one more idea about where and how in that state that you can maybe find a shot. And there are such things as Covid Angels, who have put their skillsets and time together, who are matching shots on the ground and turning them into shots in arms.
I get my second shot on my daughter’s birthday, and while I will not be seeing her on Mother’s Day, I am SO VERY glad that hugging my granddaughter can be a real thing again…
More Notes From the Refrigerator Door 