Mother’s Day weekend

ON MOTHER’S DAY—I don’t begrudge your life choices

I don’t begrudge your (private) life choices.

You do you.

Be HONEST about it, though.

When you made the choice to have one child or four children or no children, THAT IS PRO-CHOICE.

ALL of the childless adults I know can’t ALL have had fertility problems.

How many of you COULDN’T have kids? (Not my business—good. Right. Be aggravated I asked or presume to know, but—- Keep that thought front level, however, as you continue to read)

(The rest of) you made the choice to have no children, whether it was because you hate kids, or whether it was because you had an incredibly horrifying childhood and you can’t imagine being able to recover and do the job well. Or you wanted your career that was so challenging and demanding of (both parents) time. Or travel! Or. Or. Or. Not my business. (Privacy, right?)

The reason that you were able to survive to this period of your life (menopause? Close to it, way past it?) and not have children was:

-Birth control pills/ IUD, vasectomy

-Abstinence (repressed lives that suggest the sex act be saved ONLY for when you WANTED to CREATE another child?)

-Rhythm method (luck AND a partner who was willing to follow it)

-Abortion

-Infertility

So, since 1973 if you find yourself in a childless marriage by choice — NEWS FLASH— you are pro-choice.

None of that “there was a medical reason for your child-free status” —you could adopt! So, to all the “infertile as an excuse couples”, why did you not adopt? That is what is supposed to happen, right? That is what all those pro-life marchers display on their signs “ADOPTION not ABORTION”….

All those pregnancies caused by incest and rape…you SAY that they are all adoptable! You (royal usage) all are talking about how someone is waiting for a baby to love, so….? (I am NOT asking you to TELL ME why you are childless and haven’t adopted)—privacy about what goes on in your marital bed is a constitutional right. For the moment. —->>>Again I AM NOT berating and I AM NOT criticizing you OR your choices. I can’t imagine the pain of multiple miscarriages, etc. <<<<—- AND IT IS NOT MY BUSINESS.

I am NOT saying you should’ve made another choice. I am not saying you should have done X or Y or Z, just because. No one who can’t or won’t parent (the verb) should be forced to become a parent (the noun). But you made that CHOICE. BE HONEST ENOUGH to accept YOU ARE PRO-CHOICE (for yourself)

For you to make the determination that OTHER people should follow YOUR belief system, and therefore if they get pregnant they should have to carry a child to term —when you would not carry a child to term for whatever reason —does not sound particularly fair. (Although to be honest, the majority of us do force those of different religions to have the random Wednesday off because we want to celebrate Christmas, so there is precedent in our inability to be logical.)

And if YOUR religious belief system disallows abortion, don’t have one. But, those whose religion disagrees with you— or those who are free from religious belief, should NOT have to follow the edicts of your religion. This country does NOT have a state religion. Yet.

When you decided to go on birth control because your husband lost his job in 1982, that was a pro-choice decision, because by rights you should have just been accepted the extra mouths to feed or been celibate until hubby was back on his feet.

Also, and this one is important—if that first pregnancy that you had almost cost your your life, too bad so sad. Deny your husband sexual intercourse, or get pregnant and possibly die of a second pregnancy, because apparently the fetus is more important than the mother of the toddler at home.

Yeah. I know. Vasectomy, tubal ligation, birth control pills— but once they don’t have abortion to rile you up about—once abortion is gone, do you think they’re going to STOP?

Understand, that once abortion is no longer a legal option, that it will not be the end of abortion. First, your well-heeled friends will suddenly be discovering a newfound love of spontaneous travel outside the country… or possibly CAMPING in another state. Second, you will start to hear about young women, daughters of your friends, DYING of “back alley abortions”.

It will be the beginning, only.

Because the GOP, the powers that be in the Grand Old Party, will NEED to have a culture war, still. A rallying cry to get you so hot and bothered that you vote AGAINST YOUR BEST INTERESTS, just to “own the libs,” fight AGAINST antifa (you do UNDERSTAND that that is against FASCISM and not an actual group AND also A GOOD THING?)

They have to have something to rile you so once they have finished eliminating the option for legal abortion, they WILL come after your birth control. You may not believe that but that doesn’t make it any less true.

This is gonna be a flex for them—but they are up for the challenge. Griswold —the right to privacy, the STATE says you do not have a right to know what other people are doing with their own bodies, in their own beds and bedrooms, because that disrespects their privacy—that will have to end.

And maybe YOU are now of an age that you escaped with your family the exact size you wanted. You are able to pay for your ONE child’s college education, take your ONE child on summer vacations to France, not just because you made the RIGHT CHOICES through your life. (I know, I know. You’ve never been to France. So therefore you going to think that everything you read here has nothing to do with you.) I’ve never been to France, either.

But you made the CHOICE to have one child, or to use birth control to control so that you had your four children six years apart. YOU made a choice; actually that’s pro-choice.

BUT.

Even today, when you see a large family, may be a darker-skinned family of a possibly not Anglo-Saxon background, and they are walking with their five or six children, possibly speaking a language you don’t understand, you hear derisive comments— or you THINK THEM— or YOU say them, sotto voce, “How could ‘THOSE’ people have so many kids? They are replacing us. Who do they think they are. Doesn’t she know how to keep her legs closed.” (Where’s that pro-life Rah Rah now?)

Do you know that there has not been a woman who has gotten pregnant without the help of a very human male, except 2000-odd years ago when teenaged Mary found herself pregnant?

Every woman that you see that is pregnant, there is a man that is responsible for that. The man had to initiate sexual intercourse. The man. (Don’t be pedantic and @ me with IVF— that’s a medical procedure, that is highly orchestrated-AND still requires a man, and ALSO on the chopping block, once they get rolling) A woman cannot cause herself to get pregnant; she can’t wish herself pregnant. *DONT HAVE KIDS IF YOU CAN’T AFFORD THEM!!!,” they scream into the void.

Oh, and now now comes the new fun new thing, because all the people who did not have children for “whatever” reason are complaining that forgiving some student loans is UNFAIR! “They” get their student loans forgiven and I PAID MINE OFF!” So? Maybe because you had no children you were ABLE to do so? You didn’t spend YEARS paying the MINIMUM on all your credit cards and student loans because you had to put half your paycheck into daycare and diapers? You were able to accept that promotion, with it’s funky work hours, which is impossible to find childcare for, or so much travel time, or that transfer to another state on a whim because you didn’t have to uproot your family.

“I don’t have children so they are not getting any benefit from it! OMG.”

But. Here we are. Not only is the draft, leaked Roe decision awful, they are booking hard for Griswold, for Obgerfell. You know that same sex wedding you went to a couple of years ago? And how they ADOPTED and are the most amazing parents? Yeah. Soon to be ILLEGAL, if you follow the LOGIC of the arguments in this decision.

Don’t QUITE know how they plan to dissolve entire families, but.

But, GRISWOLD. Oh. That’s the one they will have to be going after next. What is going to be funny—not funny ha ha, but funny— is how suddenly, across this entire nation teenaged children of a certain sex are going to suddenly require birth control pills for very bad acne and very painful menses. There is going to be a sudden increase in female acne and debilitating periods that is so horrific that females of certain financial status will to have to stay on birth control from 11 to 54 to avoid it.

And really, what is the end game? Because their children, well their male children, won’t have anything change in their lives except –oh, well maybe they’ll be less female children competing for the good job, competing for the scholarships because they’re all going to be home birthing and caring for children.

Flowers for you. (this image is for sale —> https://www.rteest42.com/PrettyAsAPicture/i-ZQkCqDK/A

Oh, and call your mother. ((Or text if you don’t want to actually talk to her. But only if it is something you CAN do without being dishonest with yourself.)) And understand that this is a freaking hard day for a LOT of people–who lost their mom, or who lost their kid or who wanted that miscarried child. And for those who didn’t have a mother who gave a damn. And don’t be an ass and tell other people that they will regret not calling one day….

Happy Mother’s Day to ALL the people who’ve cared for and loved and raised and encouraged all children.

https://abortionfunds.org/funds/

There is probably enough for a blog post by now…

(Useless– but profound— random thoughts…)

It seems that my blog post count is tied closely to the act of de-cluttering….last year, I was deeply into that task, and felt the need to be held accountable in some fashion, so posting to my blog worked.

This year, the de-cluttering, while not finished, seems to have taken a back seat to –well, just about anything else.  It seems like there is something to this other than pure laziness; there is an acceptance that I WANT my things, an understanding that they have a certain level importance attached to them that possibly isn’t smart (although not unusual, or hoarder-ish, I am apparently just not evolved enough to let it all go.)

I am happy to say that there has been no event or catastrophe here at the Greenhouse to cause my posting to slack off. A picture is worth a thousand words, however, and by that accounting, I have been very much on target, having posted a photo each day since the beginning of the year on my companion blog.

I have made small inroads into those areas of clutter that seem to refuse assistance—staying out of Goodwill is a huge help to the book pile and the clothing pile, not to mention the cash pile.  (My nook is an even better help to the book pile). I have downsized all my work clothing to one drawer. It’s not like the washing machine is in an inaccessible location! (It’s in the bathroom which is attached to our bedroom.)

We have just returned from another quick trip up north; this time our annual Easter Eggstravaganza at cousin Susan’s, topped off by the annual trek into Manhattan to the Car Show. (Note: It isn’t annual for ME. But when my daughter wants to attend and my mother-in-law wants to attend, I end up attending. Personally, I would rather wander the streets of Manhattan than look at cars, but am apparently very out of step with the majority here.) As I had a pretty rotten cold and sore throat (courtesy of the very generous and giving man I married) it was probably for the best; the weather outside could have been best described as a rich, moist pea soup.

A good time was had by all, and those who were missing were missed (that’s you and you!) Saturday seemed a bit tame, if wet, so we invited the local fire department over for a tour of Susan’s home—sharp wits at work, they declared the cause of the  CO2 alarm going off was the meatballs, and they would have to confiscate them. (They settled happily for a “Thank You” handshake and smile from one very brave Miss Vanessa, and we got to enjoy the meatballs while Rich went and bought a new CO2 alarm.) PSA—CO2 detectors are apparently reliable for 5 years.

We spent the weekend at cousin Ken’s home, and *GASP* he doesn’t have wireless internet, so the laptop took a break, and the uploading of my photo a day took a break as well. (It’s probably not too much to say that my creative juices as far as subject matter may have also been on hiatus).

After the car show, my mother in law wanted to see Times Square. So Timmy pushed her there from the Javits Center and back.  We stopped for dinner at the Shake Shack on Eighth Avenue in the Theater District. Great food, (burgers, milk shakes, etc) incredible prices for Manhattan and wildly friendly staff…and did I mention nice? There was a line outside going to the corner. Their computer crashed and they comped the meals of a half dozen people who had placed orders before they realized it and got a handle on it… (we were one of those lucky ones—had we cash, I would have gladly paid….)

I am now in the home stretch of preparation for the Fort Clifton Festival, to be held on Mother’s Day Weekend. I am busily matting my photographs and framing some as well. I hope it will be a wonderful weekend, with great weather and the chance to showcase and sell some of my art.

Life goes on, ob-la-di, ob-la da….

(AND, a VERY happy anniversary to my husband. Nine years ago tomorrow, he made me the happiest woman on the planet! And he continues to do so, day after day. LOVE YOU!!!!)